There are few issues Dominants feel more strongly about than those regarding the discipline and punishment of their submissives. Although people may use those terms interchangeably, they mean quite different things. Discipline is the process of teaching a submissive the difference between acceptable and unacceptable behavior. Good discipline should be a positive force focusing on what a submissive is allowed to do. The goal of discipline is to help a submissive change impulsive, random behavior into controlled, purposeful behavior, and discipline should be reinforced with teaching, firmness, responsibility, and reminders.
Punishment is one technique of discipline. It may be physical–a spank or slap; or psychological–disapproval, isolation from others, or withdrawal of privileges. The goal of punishment is to stop unacceptable behavior. How do submissives, new to the lifestyle or long time in the lifestyle, learn self-control, self-help, and ways to ensure they are doing all things pleasing to their Dominant while learning responsibilities within these limits? Such learning occurs when their Dominants are continuously responsive in discussing limits, encouraging desired behaviors, and making decisions about what their desires and wants are in a submissive well-known.
In our lifestyle, most Dominants tend to think of obedience as telling a submissive what to do and expecting them to do it, and when they don’t; they punish them so that they will obey next time. But when submissives obey simply to avoid punishment, the decision to do so and the motivation is coming from outside the submissive and their submission. Obedience without question is important at times and submissives need to understand that their Dominants do expect them to obey. But if choice and consequence are left out and punishment is the only motivation, most submissives will become resentful and find ways to retaliate. And they don’t learn the responsibility in the submission they have given.
I know some of you are thinking that if the submissive has submitted full control to her Dominant then why is this person talking about responsibility in this article. Responsibility requires an internal motivation – a decision – a choice to do something. It may be a hard choice because you don’t like the consequence – to be spank or not to be spanked, but it is a choice nonetheless. When a submissive becomes responsible, they are likely to make better choices when their Dominant is not around to guide them.
To be responsible, you need to understand what is to be done and how to do it. It requires acceptance of the task or knowledge that you have a choice and it involves the ability to motivate yourself. If a submissive is to learn how to make choices wisely when their Dominant is not there and be responsible for those choices, they need to understand that their choices and actions have consequences.
As adults we know that every action has a reaction and every behavior has consequences, whether positive or negative. The difference between punishment and discipline lies in asking whether or not those consequences are intended to control or to teach. I believe that consequences need to be logical and natural at all times to fit what the Dominant wants to accomplish from the situations. My Master says that training a submissive is a behavior modification process of teaching the submissive likes and dislikes on the Dominant. This process can also be used to teach or enforce responsibilities to the submissive on what choices they make. It needs to be built not on extinguishing negative behaviors, but on teaching more appropriate responses and behavior. This is done through teaching the appropriate behavior for every situation.
A responsive Dominant understands, that different submissives have different needs, that one style does not fit all submissives, and that it is the Dominants RESPONSIBILITY to unlock the mystery of what works for them. A responsive Dominant is consistent, firm, and understands that "fair" does not mean that their submissive gets the SAME treatment each time – punishment or discipline or both - but instead that the submissive gets what they NEED. The need may change with each situation to enforce the Dominants wants.
As always in this lifestyle, know yourself and your submissive and what works for you both to have a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
-zecrets
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